she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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