i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
