In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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