Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
