Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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