Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
