i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
