His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
