I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
