There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
