I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
