Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent

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  (281): I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent http://tfl.nu/311d
  Replies (37) Good night (3326) Bad night (1176)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.

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  (503): my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew. http://tfl.nu/fdzr
  Replies (88) Good night (5575) Bad night (917)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  dude they were twins that means they were both only 17

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  (352): dude they were twins that means they were both only 17 http://tfl.nu/sodj
  Replies (36) Good night (5183) Bad night (1867)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it

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  (914): Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it http://tfl.nu/0jmm
  Replies (27) Good night (2397) Bad night (5032)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  this is really not the time to pretend we have morals

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  (704): this is really not the time to pretend we have morals http://tfl.nu/j8ot
  Replies (10) Good night (5039) Bad night (1138)
• Favorite

  (510): View more from California

  no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.

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  (510): no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her. http://tfl.nu/kcyk
  Replies (15) Good night (5149) Bad night (1380)
• Favorite

  (989): View more from Michigan

  My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war

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  (989): My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war http://tfl.nu/yle2
  Replies (12) Good night (2765) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  please bring me a paper towel asap.

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.

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  (540): please bring me a paper towel asap. (540): I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do. http://tfl.nu/d1je
  Replies (10) Good night (3827) Bad night (812)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina

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  (952): His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina http://tfl.nu/9a4t
  Replies (42) Good night (3475) Bad night (901)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten

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  (904): Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten http://tfl.nu/vxzl
  Replies (2) Good night (1114) Bad night (424)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.

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  (317): In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude. http://tfl.nu/kqtp
  Replies (6) Good night (1729) Bad night (600)
• Favorite

  (307): View more from Wyoming

  I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.

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  (307): I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars. http://tfl.nu/4ihs
  Replies (2) Good night (630) Bad night (347)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.

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  (817): My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt. http://tfl.nu/g54s
  Replies (3) Good night (678) Bad night (326)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.

  (618): View more from Illinois

  dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.

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  (270): i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast. (618): dude, she han solo'd you. keep her. http://tfl.nu/viok
  Replies (2) Good night (1702) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito

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  (603): Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito http://tfl.nu/zlii
  Replies (1) Good night (577) Bad night (212)

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