She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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