the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life