She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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