Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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