I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
