the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize