Im at strip club and am horny
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
