I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
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This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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