I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
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He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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