If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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