I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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