You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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