you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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