Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
my poor anus
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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