Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
