these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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