I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
