Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities