I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
