I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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