I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny