Texts From Last Night

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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.

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  (785): Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face. http://tfl.nu/ktzo
  Replies (26) Good night (3963) Bad night (1006)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?

  (1-617): View more from Massachusetts

  Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend

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  (617): Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents? (1-617): Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend http://tfl.nu/hheb
  Replies (28) Good night (3824) Bad night (1306)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...

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  (254): People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga... http://tfl.nu/n729
  Replies (12) Good night (5537) Bad night (908)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  The beer is more important than you right now.

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  (778): The beer is more important than you right now. http://tfl.nu/guwa
  Replies (8) Good night (3682) Bad night (1471)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.

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  (305): MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like. http://tfl.nu/d99s
  Replies (17) Good night (1716) Bad night (5823)
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  (510): View more from California

  just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?

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  (510): just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i? http://tfl.nu/gdnc
  Replies (7) Good night (3755) Bad night (1059)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life

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  (443): She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life http://tfl.nu/dd6j
  Replies (16) Good night (4828) Bad night (958)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?

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  (304): I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this? http://tfl.nu/dpdb
  Replies (31) Good night (1116) Bad night (1784)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.

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  (813): The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job. http://tfl.nu/jr9a
  Replies (10) Good night (1832) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood

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  (931): his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood http://tfl.nu/n403
  Replies (20) Good night (4068) Bad night (1184)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.

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  (402): She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat. http://tfl.nu/cjmw
  Replies (2) Good night (1410) Bad night (627)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!

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  (616): which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?! http://tfl.nu/hp73
  Replies (5) Good night (471) Bad night (1251)
• Favorite

  (480): View more from Arizona

  We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.

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  (480): We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us. http://tfl.nu/1i5v
  Replies (5) Good night (906) Bad night (327)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch

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  (+61): She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch http://tfl.nu/x1qz
  Replies (1) Good night (649) Bad night (487)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.

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  (512): My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions. http://tfl.nu/js50
  Replies (3) Good night (293) Bad night (363)

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