They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
