I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
