so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
