Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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