So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
