I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
