If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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