After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.