if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.