i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
