Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.