Texts From Last Night

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  (406): View more from Montana

  also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)

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  (406): also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome) http://tfl.nu/u3lw
  Replies (7) Good night (629) Bad night (2074)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you

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  (617): I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you http://tfl.nu/59jr
  Replies (4) Good night (4505) Bad night (786)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side

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  (425): the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side http://tfl.nu/wowf
  Replies (27) Good night (5560) Bad night (872)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  "auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made

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  (404): "auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made http://tfl.nu/y4iq
  Replies (23) Good night (898) Bad night (4733)
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  (623): View more from Arizona

  Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.

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  (623): Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy. http://tfl.nu/cg4z
  Replies (60) Good night (2337) Bad night (5162)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.

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  (919): It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis. http://tfl.nu/c5pc
  Replies (9) Good night (1329) Bad night (3450)
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  (310): View more from California

  I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers

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  (310): I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers http://tfl.nu/hjyr
  Replies (4) Good night (2394) Bad night (947)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...

  (1-317): View more from Indiana

  He's the fucking cop whisperer.

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  (317): He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him... (1-317): He's the fucking cop whisperer. http://tfl.nu/3vvt
  Replies (25) Good night (11324) Bad night (1066)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.

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  (203): She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level. http://tfl.nu/viu0
  Replies (15) Good night (5293) Bad night (1015)
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  (+35): View more from

  i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.

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  (+35): i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry. http://tfl.nu/d5vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1887) Bad night (1238)
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  (619): View more from California

  definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius

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  (619): definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius http://tfl.nu/ay4s
  Replies (25) Good night (2973) Bad night (931)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.

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  (305): Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright. http://tfl.nu/jxj8
  Replies (7) Good night (2821) Bad night (988)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth

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  (920): They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth http://tfl.nu/xkac
  Replies (17) Good night (1660) Bad night (688)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner

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  (724): I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner http://tfl.nu/mu1f
  Replies (2) Good night (285) Bad night (522)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda

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  (719): I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda http://tfl.nu/ejn7
  Replies (1) Good night (516) Bad night (257)

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