Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have

(1-313): View more from Michigan

None he's f-d

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(313): Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have (1-313): None he's f-d http://tfl.nu/3q7m

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard

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(203): Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard http://tfl.nu/p7e3

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(573): View more from Missouri

this study room smells like vodka

(310): View more from California

the study room thinks the same about you

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(573): this study room smells like vodka (310): the study room thinks the same about you http://tfl.nu/w62g

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(504): View more from Louisiana

Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie

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(504): Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie http://tfl.nu/6e1s

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(712): View more from Iowa

Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.

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(712): Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore. http://tfl.nu/hjm6

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.

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(202): Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this. http://tfl.nu/0xw5

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(949): View more from California

We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.

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(949): We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom. http://tfl.nu/b4pt

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(+84): View more from

The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white

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(+84): The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white http://tfl.nu/gomk

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.

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(630): I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence. http://tfl.nu/jyg1

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(813): View more from Florida

There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.

(701): View more from North Dakota

You're so thoughtful.

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(813): There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad. (701): You're so thoughtful. http://tfl.nu/53am

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?

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(401): Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen? http://tfl.nu/0v6w

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.

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(610): Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka. http://tfl.nu/ea3z

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(252): View more from North Carolina

A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.

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(252): A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place. http://tfl.nu/7ilw

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(571): View more from Virginia

In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.

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(571): In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades. http://tfl.nu/v1fc

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(630): View more from Illinois

How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?

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(630): How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club? http://tfl.nu/moii

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