Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
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Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
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i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.