Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
