Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
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so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
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I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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