Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She even gives head with a lisp.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
