Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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