i would punch a child for taco bell
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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