I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
