Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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