I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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