I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
