I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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