the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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