On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
