saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
