We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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