To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
