took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
