I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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