she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
