i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
