the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
