idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
