When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Im just a social blackout drinker.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
