Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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