I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
